We’re nearing the end of the year, and what a year it’s been. I’ve been absent in the past few months compared to my usual schedule, only putting out a few articles and some episodes of ClimbSci. I owe you, my reader, an explanation for that.
Those of you who follow this site probably know I had a chondrosarcoma that was surgically resected (twice) and then irradiated. Thankfully, all of that went well, and my latest MRI shows the remaining tumor to be shrinking, which is perhaps more than the doctors anticipated (they can’t seem to agree about whether it should shrink completely or just stay stable, but the bottom line is that it doesn’t really matter unless it starts to grow again).
After radiation ended in late April, my health rapidly returned to baseline and I had abundant energy. Unfortunately, in early June I was struck with sudden, overwhelming fatigue, sometimes sleeping 12 hours a night and still feeling tired. Stairs, which I once might have run up for fun, were immensely difficult. I couldn’t walk more than a mile before needing to sit down and “catch my breath” (I wasn’t really winded, just lacked the stamina to go on). Even during radiation itself, I never felt this tired, and it was scary. In fact, other than when I woke up from the second surgery and couldn’t lift my right arm above my shoulder, it was probably the scariest thing I experienced during the year.
Needless to say, climbing became an ordeal. It wasn’t so much that I couldn’t climb—once on the wall I was okay, even if I needed more rest—it was being able to motivate myself to get up and go climbing. Going to the gym was a struggle, and hiking to a crag slopping all my gear wasn’t even an option. So, I had lots of time to think, and I realized that some of what I was doing was making me unhappy.
To be clear, this site and ClimbSci were assuredly not the things making me unhappy. I love writing articles here (even if I’ve slackened my pace), and ClimbSci has been an unexpected joy (unexpected because it was so daunting at first). But, this site doesn’t pay my bills, and so I work other jobs as well. Some of that work is nutritional consulting, but Boulder is an expensive town and that doesn’t cover all my bills, either, so I also work part-time at a coffee shop.
For a long time, I just thought about the coffee shop as a way to pay the bills while defining myself more by this site and my consulting work; I figured that over time I would build my practice and perhaps expand this site until I could make ends meet through nutrition-related work alone. And probably this is a possibility still, but I’ve realized a few things that have made me think twice about this future—namely, that I really hate marketing myself, which makes it hard to sell a service or effectively solicit money from strangers.
So, while I was in the throes of my fatigue in June and July, I decided I needed to change something. Initially my plan was to go back and complete the didactic course in dietetics so I could get my Registered Dietitian license and work in a hospital (I have a non-RD path degree). Before cancer, I never thought I’d want to work in a hospital, but after spending so much time in one as a patient I started to feel the opposite, so that was a new option on the table. As I looked up the requirements, though, I was a bit dumbfounded; despite an advanced degree, it would be two more years of school and then a year-long unpaid internship, which was a bit much to swallow. Looking at this option, I also realized it was a dead-end path—not that being a dietitian is a bad choice, but that there’s nowhere else to go from there; the only upward movement for a person in that field is to get a doctorate and teach or do research. I could certainly see myself doing either of those in the future, but I’ve come to respect flexibility and purposefully pigeonholing myself to a single future path was undesirable.
Instead, I decided to go back and get a degree in nursing, which I think offers me a good compromise of everything I value. It pays well, which will allow me to continue writing here (and elsewhere) and recording ClimbSci without worrying about income. It has many paths for advancement, so when I’m ready to further my education once again I can choose from numerous potential paths (nurse practitioner, nurse anesthetist, doctoral degree, research, and teaching, at least). It’s in demand and transferable, so I can pick up and move to a new location without any trouble (which I realized was important when I considered that anytime I move, I have to start my nutrition practice basically from scratch—ugh). And, perhaps most important, it pushes me to think about health in new ways, expanding my comfort zone and range of possible topics for this site and ClimbSci, and any other future climbing science related projects I pursue.
I begin applying next year. Right now, I’m taking a few pre-req classes that
were not covered in my undergrad and grad school years. It’s these classes that have kept me from writing as they’re on top of everything else I was already doing. I have fewer classes next semester, so it shouldn’t be as bad, and I hope to write more again.
My fatigue began easing in August, and by early September I felt more-or-less back to normal—though as a caveat, I don’t really know what “normal” is anymore with all the ups and downs of the year. Regardless, I can exercise again and am once more running up stairs. My oncologist didn’t know what was happening since it all happened significantly post-radiation, and none of the tests I received from my GP turned up anything out of the ordinary; I’ll likely never know why I was so tired for those two months. It did give me an opportunity to reflect, and for that at least I’m thankful.
In other news, I’m working on an article that should be out by this Friday, and Tom and I just recorded a new episode of ClimbSci (I’ll put up the official article with links once the YouTube version is available, but you can listen to it already on SoundCloud any podcast app)!
You’ll hear from me again before the end of the year, but have a great holiday season and New Year if I don’t say it again. Cheers!
